partying, working, family and accidents

can't believe i haven't written in three weeks. busy at work getting ready for the opening. we packed up the temporary library in 3 hours. i felt like death. over the weekend i went to the olustee festival with my mom and got food poisoning. i was so sick, i couldn't keep anything down, but at least i had my mom to take care of me. having to pack and unpack did not make me feel any better. that night i kept some food down and got lots of sleep, so tuesday i felt much better. i spent the morning getting ready for a work party for birthday people and as a thank you to all the people who helped work on the library. i decorated with valentine stuff from my house and it was a great party. lots of food and fun. the next few days involved fun and not so fun meetings downtown, unpacking, putting in order, shelving and shifting tons and tons of books. i did get to have a yummy lunch out with emily and debra. i had the most delicious salmon salad. i want another one right now! anyway the kids section looks fantastic. they installed this huge life like tree today and we only have one more section of books to shift. sandy, now a volunteer, came in to work on bulletin boards. she got one done, but i can't find the stuff for my two bulletin boards/book displays. that is one of the things i want to get done tomorrow.

on saturday i threw a birthday party for my three sisters and it was a lot of fun. the weather was so beautiful, that we partied oustide on the patio. it was a greek theme. my friends ishu and justin had some people over in january when i was visiting them in orlando and they had hummus and baba ganoush and pita bread and kabobs. it was soooo yummy, so i decided that i wanted to serve it for the girls' birthday party and centered the theme around it and the olympics. the girls got crowns of green leaves. we ate first and my brother in laws said it was so delicious and i should make it for all our get togethers, which is high praise from them. then we played some games. we lit the torches (tiki torches). the birthday girls were team captains and each team had to make a toga on their teammate out of toilet paper. dad helped me judge and keep time with the games. justin spun around so many times he fell over. he and karen came in third on that event. then they had to match the god or goddess with their power. mom and sam won. then we had cheesecake with strawberries or chocolate. and the last event was bobbing for grapes and olives in bowl of water. it was really funny to watch. we had the closing ceremonies where i gave the girls their medals. i made cute medals out of wood cutouts, that i painted and wrote happy birthday on. cat got the bronze and wasn't too happy about it. karen got the silver and sam got the gold. then we went in to open cards. karen brought her heart monitor and we got to listen to the baby's hearbeat. i got to take some tummy pictures too. she started wearing maternity shirts and looks so cute. she lost 17 lbs. during the first trimester and in the last week has gotten over most of the nauseousness. she gained 2 lbs. this week. she looks thinner everywhere, except her baby bump. next friday 3/5, i get to go with karen and justin to her ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby. then all the girls and justin made plans to go to babiesrus to register for baby stuff.

on thursday night i just barely hit someone in a parking lot. basically i left two lines of red of paint on her. she called the police to do a driver information exchange. the girl was nice and the officer was too. she tried to buff it out herself but it didn't work. she got an estimate today and it was $60 to buff it out, but only 50% chance of working. to repaint the door would be $600. we hadn't gotten the insurance company involved, cause i thought i had a $500 deductible. but i called the insurance company today and that only applies to fix my car, i don't have to pay anything for the other girl's car. my car just has two lines of no red paint, so no need to fix it, it's barely noticeable. i am so happy that i don't have to pay up.

with the party i got some cleaning done, but there is always more to do. i planted some pansies on the patio, since the dead looking plants weren't really party like. hopefully they live until spring arrives and i can plant some summer stuff and see what comes back from the horrible freezing weather we've had this year.

brian is doing good on his mission. i got a short email today, but mom got a really long one. i put together an album of the family for him and will send it off this week. i meant to have it done before he left, but the craziness of christmas wasn't conducive to getting it done. it was a little strange not to have him at the party but we know he's were he's supposed to be.

that's a short catch up of what's been going on.

fun and productivity

orlando was good. friday night justin had to do a work dinner, so olive, ishu and i went to izziban sushi. there were only three waitresses for the whole place and the bartender was also the busboy and host, so even though there were empty tables they weren't sitting people. my diet pepsi tasted funny, so i tried sierra mist, nada, water it was. it only took 20 mintues to get that figured out. the appetizer wasn't good and one of my sushi rolls was really salty. olive was not happy to be there. she bit her styrofoam glass of water and it exploded all over the table. it took forever to get the waitress to clean it up, while olive smacked the table to make water splash. she didn't want to sit in her high chair or eat. she had her 18 month check up that day and we figure the shot they gave her was making her grumpy. she's usually so good in restaurants. after that memorable meal we met justin at home and then went to twisty treat. is was a long drive, but was very yummy.

the next day i slept in late, watched roman holiday for the first time (so good!!) and then ishu made chilli for lunch. justin cleaned the garage and prepped our greek feast while ishu and i ran errands. she had things to return and we hunted down some glassware she wanted for her birthday. we found half of them in tjmaxx and half in ross. the lines were horrible!! we got a snack at chic fil a, which i've eaten at only once, like ten years ago. the salad was good. scrapbooking stuff was 40% off at joann's so i stocked up on birthday stuff. debra and i are making birthday cards for the library this weekend.

when we got home justin had made kebabs and two couples came over. one were people from church who use to live in gainesville that i haven't seen in forever and the other a high school friend of justin's. his fiance is from amsterdam and she had this lovely accent. we had spinach dip and pita bread with hummus as appetizers and then chicken, steak and veggie kebabs with wheat pitas and baba ganuoush. i never had it before and didn't know it was eggplant. it was such a yummy meal. then we played catch phrase, scene it and scattegories. monkey bread for dessert and then i got olive all wound up before putting her to bed. once the couples left, ishu gave me a pedicure.

i slept in again! we had leftover greek food for breakfast and then they got ready for church and i packed up. ishu gave me my christmas present. she designed and made me a bag for my crocheting. it has pockets inside for the hooks and is brown with flowers. she is sooo creative. once i was home it was reading and naptime. then the golden globes in between desperate housewives and brothers and sisters.

today i met carrie at the gym and we did a stretch class and then some cardio. the class is taught by a library patron and she gave me a shout out in the class and said how much she loved acld. then we went to bageland for lunch and exchanged christmas gifts. home to read and nap and then emily came over to borrow some stamps. she had the boys with her and they were a little wound up from their playdate. they had fun writting on me with a sharpie and themselves with a highlighter. i started it my wrighting on myself. i'm such a bad example. then the squealed bloody murder in front of my apartment and were gone. they are crazy but fun!

then i got productive. dishes washed, healthy dinner made and eaten, room cleaned, apartment vacuumed, bed made and craft table organized. watched castle with the roommate. love love love that show! now catching up on email, facebook and the blogs. tomorrow we start unpacking the storage of what will one day be my library again. oh the work in store. 2am and time for bed!

boys are dumb

i only worked half a day today! sam chauffered me to work and then went to my uncle bob's to clean out her car. the insurance company finally looked at it and claimed it totalled and is sending her a check for $1600! that should help with the buying of a new car. she picked me up after work and then we ran errands. bank, pay rent, return and exchange clothes at the mall, lunch, pick up part of my outfit for the church dance tonight, and take sam to rent a car. now why after a whole week of sharing my car with sam, do my parents decide to go ahead and pay for a rental? dad and brian were in town for brian's last appt with his dietician (he has a genetic disease that is managed by a low protein diet), so dad came over to sign the papers and sam got this cute burnt orange kia. my entire car was filled with all the crap sam carries around in her car, so we transferred that in the rain and a home i went.

now did i take off early to run errands. no of course not. i did it to come clean my house and get ready for the dance tonight. the cleaning for the house guest i was supposed to have this weekend. the dance i was supposed to have a date for. tim and i have been having weekly phone conversations on wednesday nights for a little over a month. we talk for hours! i talked to him the night before thanksgiving. we talked about his visit. i asked him if he was really coming and he said of course. so i call this wednesday no answer. normal, usually i call and he calls back a few minutes later. an hour later i call and leave a message. nothing. thursday night i just ask him to call so i can make plans for my weekend, doesn't matter whether he's coming or not, i'd just like him to call and tell me either way. still nothing. had a slight hope that he would just show up today. no.

so either he's dead (i hope not), he lost his phone (he doesn't have my number written down, but he could have gotten the library's number off the internet) or he changed his mind about coming and didn't want to hurt my feelings. there is of course the fact the maybe he's just a dick and has been jerking me around, but the tim of my past wasn't like that so i'm hoping that's not true. the weird thing is that he is the one who initiated this whole coming to see me thing. he even wanted to come next weekend too. so now i'm wondering if i'll here from him again. and if i do what his excuse will be. oh well, everything works as it should. we broke up for good reasons and this weekend could have been fun, but it would just have made my life more complicated.

i thought about going to the dance, but when i came home i got into my long comfy nightgown and some christmas socks and read myself to sleep. i woke up 30 minutes before the dance and just didn't feel like getting all gussied up and then driving across town in the cold and rain. samantha went and had a pretty good time and won a door prize. a basket full of gift certificates (walmart), coupons (for twilight stuff from torrid and hot topics) and lotion. plus her favorite resturant olive garden catered. my roommate and i ended up watching 4 episodes of castle. she bought the 1st season yesterday. which stinks because that was what i was gonna get her for christmas. funny thing is she thought about giving it to me for christmas! that would have been hilarious if we both opened the same thing come christmas eve! so now i gotta come up with something else.

tomorrow, i was going to take tim to the sugar cane thing at dudley farm and then to watch the gator game with friends. now i get to sleep in, maybe scrapbook, run to publix for spinach dip ingredients and then go watch the gator game with my friends. it's gonna be an intense game! i so hope we win it!! gotta work sunday, have a program on winter. we are making cute penguins out of different sized heart shapes. and i'm working with the new guy, keith. i haven't got to talk to him much yet. he's been in his office a lot. he doesn't know how to do circ, so he hasn't really been scheduled to the desk. i need to teach him some circ stuff, but it is kinda weird to teach the guy who got the job i was up for, how to do basic stuff. then i have monday off (and now that i don't have tim plans, bitter much?) i guess i'll work for dad and decorate for christmas.

here's hoping that i have a fun, productive weekend and the gators kick butt!

the search for the missing phone

oh what a day! yesterday i realized i couldn't find me phone. i was at work so sandy called it, no ringing. i figure i've left it at home. that night my roommate called me phone, no ringing. not just for me to here, but no ringing at all. my phone was going straight to voice mail. so either it's dead, or i dropped somewhere, and whoever has it has turned it off. either way, not good. well like the crazy person i am i watched the dancing with the stars finale (yeah donny!) and reruns and scrapbooked (i finished another park! 2 to go) and stayed up way too late. 3am to be exact. so when my alarm went off wed morning, i of course hit snooze. at 10:10 i realized how late it was and jumped out of bed. i was supposed to be at the chiropracter at 10:15. i threw on clothes and brushed my teeth (i mean no one deserves to face my morning breath). i was only 5 minutes late (no i didn't speed, his office is down the street from me).

so that painfulness over i went to joanne's and found scrapbooks 40% off and several cute pregnancy stickers. i also got what i went in for, scrapbook extenders and a box of mounting squares (tape for scrapbooking). i also ran into people i knew and had a nice chat. then on to publix. only 4 carts left. did i mention it was cold and rainy? luckily i got the last of the dry carts. the place was packed but everyone was so friendly and nice. i had two guys make jokes about all the chex cereal i was buying (chex mix is a thanksgiving must at our house). lots of good bogo sales too. i got into a short line, amazing! as i was returning my cart to the covered sidewalk (my sister use to work for publix, and i know the pain of hunting down carts, especially in the rain) , when some guy in a big white van that i've just walked past, yells to me that i need to watch where i'm going. i wasn't positive he was talking to me, but then he said it again louder. so i ignored him and then he said hey don't ignore me. by the time i got in my car, i realized it was someone i knew, not just some crazy looney. i saw the van across the parking lot and it was a library van! one of our systems guys was driving it. now of course i felt bad, but what i was really hoping was that if he was in the area, maybe he was going to the library to fix our patron printer (it's been broken since sunday and makes for not happy customers).

so then i went to the library to hunt for my phone there and to use a phone to call people and tell them i lost my phone. no luck (except there was a systems guy there working on the printer!) i chatted a few minutes and then ran into a woman i used to work with at uf. i told her about losing my phone and said she had one in the car she was about to go donate. so i went downstairs with her and got a free verizon phone. she told me how to switch my number to it without even having to call verizon. very cool. then i dashed home to put cold stuff in the fridge and went to cat's. she'd just finished the first batch of pumpkin bread and so i started the chex mix.

then we get a call from karen saying sam has been in a car accident. no one was hurt, but it was her fault and she was very upset. karen and justin were on the way to rescue her. she had to have her car towed, cause she crumpled the front, but the other women's car was fine. it was her first accident and i felt really bad, because she of course tried to call me on my lost phone. but the lady was nice, the cop was nice, and it all took less than an hour, so it wasn't too horrible. and since i'm going camping this weekend and she has to stay in town to work, she can have my car.

back to the chex mix! i haven't made it in awhile, so i had fun bugging cat every few minutes with questions. she started working on a quilt for my grandma. we spent the afternoon quilting (she pieced and sewed and i ironed and ripped out mistakes), cooking (3 batches of chex mix and another one of pumpkin bread) and of course chatting. i also searched my car for the missing phone. i ended up with a bag full of garbage and 2 tubes of concealer (i keep losing it and buying more and then losing the new one), but no phone. bill came home and then we had a nice salad for dinner and i was off again.

i got home to an awful smell. i took out the trash and it still wasn't better, so i sprayed disinfectant and went to my room. time to search my bedroom for the infamous phone. i pulled the bed from my wall, i pulled out everything from under it. nothing. then to my night stand. several months ago the bottom of the top drawer broke and everything in the top drawer landed in or behind the bottom drawer. which basically means it was a big mess that i've been ignoring. i dug everything out, fixed the night stand, threw away a bunch of crap, and organized it. still no phone. onto the my desk. nada. then to the living room. rip all the cushions off the love seat. start throwing out things i find and announcing them to my roommate who is cooking yummy seafood dip for thanksgiving (she's coming to karen's with me). hair clips, plastic fork, bubble wrap, jolly rancher, but no phone. i start to pull cushions off the couch, when my roommate asks me if i prayed about it. silly me, i hadn't thought of that. she makes me sit down and she says a prayer that i'll find my phone. then i start in on the couch. 30 seconds later i find the phone way back in the couch. talk about prayers answered! i started jumping around i was so happy! then i had a thank you prayer and put the living room back in order.

i was in a pretty darn good mood the rest of the night. i washed my dishes (i think my meat loaf pan was causing the stench). then i started packing for the camping trip. i called tim. i've been talking to him wed nights, because there's no shows i like that night and it gives me something to do. in my night stand search i came across my headphone/mic for my phone so i was able to keep packing while we talked. i organized all my jewelry and the top of my dresser too. i was on a cleaning high or something. we had a really nice talk, last time we got too deep into religion and he got a bit upset. this time we kept it light and fun. i finally finished packing at 1:30am and said goodnight. now it's 2:30 and here i am blogging. mostly because i wanted to get the crazy day down, because i most likely won't be able to blog until sunday night when i get back from our camping trip. i'm way looking forward to it, because the high is 60 and the low 37! i love cold snuggly weather. we'll have a fire, and do smores and drink hot chocolate and play games and just have a great last camping trip with brian before he leaves. okay, time to get some sleep so i can have the energy to consume all that turkey and veggies and pie!

using my talents and my lack there of

so i actually was productive saturday night. i did 3 loads of laundry and put it away as soon as each load was done. amazing! i downloaded audacity and recorded like 7 songs and they sound pretty darn good. i also read a whole book (it was really short, but still).

sunday was church and teaching sunday school. when i was ready to start i had 1 student. i had to go round up people talking in the hallway. it went pretty well. this sunday school thing is harder than i thought, but in a different way. i was afraid of it being all deep and heavy into the scriptures and i feel very inadequate in my knowledge of doctrine. but the lesson plan is really excellent and it is almost too easy. it's covering stuff everybody already knows. so it makes it hard not to be boring. i spice it up with a game and food and stories, but being in front of people doesn't come natural to me. i've learned how to do it. luckily i have friendly faces among my students and just call on them and they do their best to say something. the biggest thing is that it's me that is getting the most out of these lessons. not the teaching, but the learning. i spent two hours preparing for that lesson and read great scriptures and stories and it reminded me of ways i can be a better person. i think that's the point of most of the callings in church.

after church i went to see singin' in the rain with suzi. it was great. there was yummy finger food before hand and the show had real rain. well the fire alarm spickets went off during that number and then came intermission where the crew used a wet/dry vacuum to clean it up. the singing was great and there was lots of dancing (tap!) and kissing. more than i think i've ever seen in one of gcp's shows. after that i went home and read. i was supposed to go to suzi's at 6:30 to scrapbook with her and emily. at 7:20 my alarm went off. i thought, why is my alarm set for 7:20am? i don't have to be anywhere on monday morning until 9:30. wait, that's not the alarm, that's my phone. and suzi's name is flashing on it. oh crap, i fell asleep. it's not morning, it's still sunday night. she and emily had fun laughing at me and told me to get my butt over there. so we scrapbooked (i actually finished 4 pages!) and gabbed of course. then i went home and finished organizing my craft table, well except for the paper. i went through all my stickers (and i have tons!!) and separated them into categories and put them away in my handy dandy sticker binder. only three more parks to scrapbook and my 'ga 2008 camping trip' scrapbook will finally be complete.

monday was the chiropracter, my leg and back are bothering me, stupid sciatic. on the way i threw up. i got about half out of the door which i flung open while almost stopped at a red light and the other half i got on my shirt. i hadn't eaten anything so it wasn't too gross, but still. luckily i had time after my appointment to go home and take another shower and change clothes before i had to be at work. oh the exciting life i lead!

progress!

progress as been made! last night i cleared off my craft table!! stamps are put away, markers in their container, brads in boxes, paper stacked neatly and stickers in the bag. the paper isn't separated by color or size and the stickers aren't separated by category, but i can see the table and there is room to work there now. i threw away a lot of crap, so that felt good. now i need to get the pictures all together to make the two scrapbooks i haven't started. this sunday i'm going to see singin' in the rain with suzi and then to scrapbook. i hope i can finish the camping scrapbook i've been working on for over a year, but we'll see.

tonight i did the dishes. i love having clean counters, i don't know why i don't do dishes more often. then i talked to tim for a couple hours. religion and politics are our big talking points, mostly because we totally disagree with each other about those subjects. i got a book this weekend about a catholic couple who converted to mormonism. it compares and contrasts the doctrine of the two religions. i've gotten through about 50 pages and its pretty interesting.

tomorrow i have a meeting at the main library at 9am, so i guess it's time for bed. tomorrow i'll tackle the laundry.

a weekend with great news!!

i had a great time in orlando this weekend. kate and jd went to the temple. it was wonderful. i got to catch up with lots of friends that i never get to see and though i got hardly any sleep, it was nice to have a relaxing day. i got to watch the second have off the gator game and was pleased with another win. then i got a lot of needed sleep.

sunday was a slow day at work. i missed a call from my sister at noon and called her back after we opened. she had some news for me. she was pregnant!! she had just taken the test that morning. i'm and so excited to be an aunt. i hope everything goes well with the pregnancy. afterwork i went to the store to get my roommate some drugs, since she was feeling yucky. then home to a nap and tv. then i couldn't fall asleep and made up my christmas lists of things to buy and what i want bought for me. i fell asleep a little after 3am.

i had today off and went to the doctor cause my ear infection s is back or never really left. then sam and i went to a chinese buffet for lunch. i was supposed to go out to my dad's and work, but what was supposed to be a little nap, turned into me sleeping the afternoon away. back to work tomorrow. very much looking forward to thanksgiving next week and our camping trip to georgia!

things to look forward to

this week has been draggin by. work has been kinda boring after all the excitement of the float, getting the cookbook done and the flurry of nervousness that went with the applying for a new job. luckily tomorrow i don't have to go to the library. i have training in orange park and get to learn cool new techno stuff. i do have to work the weekend, but the weather is beautiful out and there is a game in town, so maybe people will stay out of the library. best part is that with veteran's day, i get three days off in a row! and next weekend is gonna be great with time in orlando with lots of friends and family.

tonight i went to hear a friend play in the sf college jazz band. he sang on one of the songs too and he was just so cool. what it must be like to just be comfortable and confident and talented in front of so many people. anyway, it was really good. unf's jazz band was there too and they were amazing! its great to be in a town that always has something going on. if only i wasn't so busy or tired to do them. church is starting up a choir again, and hopefully i can join. they are supposed to be doing the practices sunday evenings, so even when i work weekends, i can attend. something about singing in a group, stretching myself to hit notes and hold notes and take big breaths and make a beautiful noise, is just so fun! plus i love when just the guys sing, it makes my knees weak :)

speaking of guys, last month i had a bad dream about an ex boyfriend and it really freaked me out. so i got on facebook, found him, and messaged him to make sure he was doing ok. we haven't talked in about three years and haven't seen each other in 4, i think. anyway we've messaged back and forth a couple times, just catching up with what our families are doing and the big stuff that's happened. today, he asked me to call him so we could talk. then he said he had some days off he has to use by the end of december or lose them. he's coming to town in december but has no set days and wants to know when i might be free. this message happens to come the day after i found out the date for the winter formal at church. would it be weird to see if he could come that weekend and be my date? do i want to be friends with him again? a different ex called last week and want's me to call him. he lives in arkansas and i'd be friends with him, but after an unexpected marriage proposal, i just can't go back to being phone buddies. why can't i get a new guy? wondering what to do . . .

oh crap it's after midnight and i have to be up at 6. i guess the thing to do is sleep on it.

wrapping up october

how time gets by me. cat came by work on wednesday and took me to lunch. it was great to catch up and i love a free meal! so homecoming weekend was good. the library float turned out well, and it barely rained while we constructed it. the library was pretty crazy saturday afternoon. i got home in time to watch the second half of the gator game. lots of screaming at the tv. we barely won. sunday's storytime went well. just 15 kids, but fun doing a halloween theme. monday was productive. i met sam at the mall and we had fun looking for an interview outfit for me and for accessories to our halloween costumes (gangster princess and minnie mouse). we had lunch at ruby tuesday and then i went out to dad's to clean. justin has been cleaning up the land and it looks awesome! brian and i played some wii and mom and i talked quilts. the rest of the week at work was jam packed. i have a high school intern i'm in charge of. she is great and learns quickly, but its another thing to do. i have a cookbook i'm in charge of for the library's united way campaign and the recipes are poring in. i have to format them and it takes a bit of time. plus doing the daily schedules. wednesday night i went to cat's and we talked for hours. thursday my ear started to hurt, but i left early friday to spend time in orlando with ishu. she and her husband just bought a house and i wanted to see it. we spent the entire time running errands. it was pretty tiring, but olive is adorable and ishu always makes me laugh. i came home saturday and went straight to karen's to watch the gator game. another close one. every since that hit on the head, tebow hasn't quite been himself. sam has been painting a mural on the wall of karen's nursery. justin and her are about to start trying for a baby, but they are gung ho into getting everything ready. sunday was church, where i taught my first sunday school lesson. then i went to the mall with suzi. her daughter was having a scavenger hunt in the mall for her birthday, so i did a trial run to see if the clues made sense. it was lots of fun! then out to karen and justin's for justin's bday party. yummy food and family fun. monday back to work and trying to finish the cookbook, since we are printing on tuesday morning. i ended up staying up the entire night to finish it. both my ears were killing me by now. i got to work a short day on tuesday, so i went to the dr and got some meds, then went home to bed. i ended up calling in wednesday and staying in bed all day. sam came over with lunch and washed my dishes, which was great as they were starting to smell. friday i had my interview and i think it went well. it'll be a couple of weeks before i know who got it. sam's been interviewing for a lot of jobs lately and i'd rather she gets one. at least i'm already happy doing what i am. friday night was the dance at church i looked pretty cute and sam looked awesome. my brother called just before the dance to say he'd got his mission call. he is going to spend two years in the salt lake city area preaching the gospel. i'm so excited for him and think it will be a wonderful life experience for him. i left around 11 and got some sleep. i went to see suzi's daughter run cross-country and emily was their too, so we got to catch up, which was nice. then i went grocery shopping, made potato salad and paid my bills. a bunch of us met at karen's to watch the game, which was really good and then took trey trick or treating. i dressed up and my family thought it was hilarious. my right ear doesn't seem to want to heal, so i stayed in bed all day sunday. i'm surrounded by six loads of clean laundry and no desire to put it away. i have a very weird schedule this month working lots of weekends but lots of weekdays off. my big things to accomplish this month are organizing the house, most specifically my room and getting to the gym. i got a short talking to by the dr, so i need to make it a priority. that's about it for now. off to sleep now.

another weekend come and gone

this weekend was good. friday night i went around my apartment and packed up stuff for a garage sale. then went to suzi's and went for a walk. then we talked and priced all our stuff for the sale. sat i went with my parents to orlando to go to the temple. once i arrived i realized i didn't have my temple recommend (a little piece of paper that says i can go in). so i sat in the lobby and read a church magazine while they did a session. the drive was nice cause we caught up with stuff on the way down. on the way back i asked them questions about their childhood. i got these books 2 years ago for my mom, dad, and grandma. they are full of 100 questions about their personal history. this way when they're gone, i can look back to it and so can my kids. i've been learning lots about them and hearing stories i didn't know. it's fun to get to know them as complete people and not just my parents or grandparents. that night i got a nap and then went to my sister's to watch the game. it was pretty tense, but we won, and my sister made her divine mexican dip, so it was all good.

sunday was church and then putting a pork roast in the slow cooker. then i had to finish some craft projects. i got carrie's present, the crosstich that has her and her husband's name and wdding date on it, finished and framed. then i finished the two scarves i made for the united way campaign. then i went over to carrie's and we had the yummy roast, potatoes, corn and biscuits. it was so yummy. then we played the game carrie got for her bday, toy story. it has all the carnival like games. my arm was sore the next two days. carrie won most of the games, but i won a couple. then the three of us played yahtzee and phase 10. brent killed us, but it was fun. monday night i finally put the sheets on my bed and got to some of my laundry. i got everything on hangers and the rest folded and put away. i can see the floor again and really need to vacuum.

i took my test today for the librarian supervisor job i applied for. it was easier than i thought, but long. my hand was killing me from trying to write so much, so tiny, since there wasn't a lot of room, or i'm just too wordy. next is the interview, but i don't know when yet. we'll see how it goes. this week i get to decorate the library's homecoming float. hopefully everything goes smoothly, looks good, and it doesn't rain. i have a program this weekend. the theme is halloween and i'm looking forward to it, but only 10 people have signed up for it. i usually have about 30 sign up and 25 show. but it is homecoming weekend. after the parade and game, i'm sure people will be tired. hopefully the library will be slow this weekend, with all that's going on.

being sick=reading+sleeping+little productivity

a few things got accomplished this weekend. right now i'm blogging from bed, so that means, yes you've got it . . . my laptop now connects to the interent! thank you daddy. he gave me a new router that's faster and smaller (more needed desk space) so i'm up and running, or i guess the computer is, i'm lying down.

thursday's sneezing and the tickling in the back of my throat, turned into fogginess in the brain by friday night and full on sick the rest of the weekend. sam dragged me out for moe's and whip it friday night, so that helped dull the pain. whip it was soooo much fun, you should go see it. sat i got the times wrong for the broadcast, when you're sick translating time zones is no easy task, so i slept through the first one. my roommate and i watched the second sat session and the sunday sessions. i crocheted while i listened, so i got one and half scarves finished. plus i heard good things to help motivate me to do better.

the rest of the weekend i slept and read the gabaldon book. monday i was still feeling yucky, so i stayed home. i guess i got too much sleep, because i couldn't fall asleep monday night and just read til 5:30am. i had an early meeting, so just got up and went in early (its so weird going to work when its dark). i finished the gabaldon book, which was good, but it left soooo many loose ends. it took her three years to write this one, it'll probably be five before she does book 7. so frustrating! but i'm judging a romance writer's contest for the second year in a row and have only read one of the five books. i stopped to read gabaldon's book so i could get it to the next person in line (what a good librarian i am). now i'm on book two. they are light, fluffy paperback romances. the current one is 'inspirational' so there is lots of praying and God talk mixed in with the story. its nice. i've read plenty of mormon fiction, so i'm use to it, but its interesting to see how writers not of my faith portray God and religion in their work. the cool thing is that i get to keep the books and they are autographed by the authors. they aren't my kind of book, but my aunt and grandma asked for books for christmas, specifically used books, due to these financial times, and here are perfectly good, once read books i can give as gifts!

i got laundry done too, but that's all. not very productive, but i'm blaming the sickness. this weekend i'm not gonna get anything done either. maybe friday night i'll go through stuff for a yard sale and put laundry away. saturday i'm going to orlando with the parents and then hopefully watching the gator game with friends. then church sunday morning, a nap and dinner at my friend carrie's to celebrate her bday (got to get to joanne's so i can finish her gift!) i've applied for a higher position at the library and i have my test tuesday, so i need to do a little studying for that somewhere in there. oh and rest up for next week. i have to work 7 days in a row and have lots to do at the library. plan and present my halloween program. decorate the library float for the homecoming parade. decorate the library for halloween. do the schedules for the next week. figure out where to store all the donations while the big friends of the library sale is going on. and finish things that might not get done tomorrow, such as interviewing the intern applicant (i had to cancel mon from being sick and she cancelled today from being sick) and write up and submit purchase requisitions for bookmarks and stickers. you wouldn't believe how patrons get about bookmark and sticker choices. they ask for different ones if i don't have out something they like. they're free! why are you complaining? i digress.

so now i'm gonna read a little bit of my inspirational romance and then sleep on my bare matress cause i just did three more loads of laundry (and i never put away the two i did this weekend, i told you i hate it!) and i'm too lazy to put the clean sheets back on. i only got as far as the pillowcase. i really need a maid.

the chores of life

three whole days of no plans except for church. granted church this weekend is special. there are 8 hours of broadcasts from salt lake for me to enjoy. luckily the internet is wonderful and i can watch them in my pjs. however sunday i'm gonna to church to watch them with some friends and have yummy food. too much sitting but wonderful speakers and messages and singing that makes me feel good.

i have sooooo many things i want to do this weekend that have been put off. wash my car, inside and out, there is an odor developing from probably some kind of leftover food. laundry, the task that never gets done. if only i could just have old navy ship me new clothes each week, so i would never have to put clothes away, i hate it! clean up my craft table. right now the table is buried in a foot high mess of craft stuff. papers, markers, pictures, stamps, stickers, ribbon, ink pads, scissors, etc. are sliding off the edges. my desk. oh the scariness. i have 6 boxes and a laundry basket full of things that need to be gone through, tossed or put away in my desk. i'm afraid. when this is done, i can go through the mound of paid bills (i pay everything online, but still get the bills in paper form) that need to be organized and put away in the desk too. its only about 9 months worth. i need to decorate for halloween. and i have mucho stuff to hang and put out. i need to crochet some scarfs for this silent auction i'm helping with at work to raise money for the united way. i need to finish my friend's bday gift, which requires 1 trip to joann's and about an hours more work. i need to make my christmas list to give to my sis. i want books mostly, but i need to go through my bookshelves (which of course are in a bit of disarray) and figure out what i have and what i want. i need to pay my bills (payday!!) and figure out if i can live off what's left.

i think that's about it. oh wait, i need to work on websites for my dad. i took that class and then haven't done a thing with it. oh the guilt. i finally did go out and work for him on monday. washing dishes, scrubbing the bathroom, vaccumming etc. then he made me dinner, that was nice. i told him i'd come friday too, but he's coming to town for a dr appointment, and i asked him to swing by and fix my wireless. my roommate's laptop will connect, but mine and several other people who've come over can't get the internet to work. i would have an easier time with doing the website if i could sit in bed or on the couch. my back doesn't like to sit in a chair after a day of work.

so here's hoping i can actually get some of this stuff done. because i know there is no way i'll get to all of it. especially when i'm only on page 58 of 824 of the new diana gabaldon book. yup, not much is gonna get done at all :)

being a lazy bum

i don't want to do much of anything lately, including blog. i had a pretty good trip with my family to the georgia mountains. too much fighting, but some good relaxing. i'm tired. i am blah since the big 3-0. my fav thing to do lately is lay in bed and read. i have totally been flaking out on my job with my dad. i finished the website class last month and haven't done one thing to spruce up the websites he has. i was supposed to work for him monday and friday this week since i had off from the library, but instead i slept in (today until 3:30pm!) and read. i haven't been to the gym either. i need some motivation to get off my butt and do stuff that's good for me.

i'm going to kate's tomorrow to watch florida beat the tar out of tennessee. that will be fun. the first two games, i was out of town or working. football games at kate and jd's are the best! maybe i'll get a free movie out of sam afterwards.

i need to get some craft projects done. i'm almost finished with a cross stitch project, that needs to be done the first of october. then i need to do some major scrapbooking. then i have to finish crocheting a blanket for my sister. its a little over half done. its for her graduation in april, so i think it'll be okay.

i also have to plan a trip to go up to pennsylvania and get my grandma. another sister is graduating in december and grandma is coming for that and christmas. she won't fly alone, so i go get her and she pays. i love free vacays! i'm trying to get one out of my parents for when my brother goes to utah to start his mission for the church.

i've got to start thinking of a halloween costume. any ideas?

being young and having fun

after many questions into my emtional and mental status from my last post, i'm here to say i'm feeling better (drugs are good) and am ready to inform you of all the wonderful things i've been doing lately.

so 2 weekends in orlando were lots o fun. ishu and justin are lovely to let me stay with them. and little olive is so funny and cute. dinner at justin's parents was delicious. i can now say that the best ribs every made are by justin's mom. we went to the craft show at the convention center. it was packed and i picked up a few things for dirt cheap, like i only spent $2.50 total. then we went to buca di beppo for a scrumptious lunch. i had gnocchi for the first time and it was great! the rest of the weekend was relaxing and running errands and i tried to play ghostbusters on the wii, but, let's face it, i'm not that good. my hands have troubles trying to do 4 things at once.

then two days of work with lots of programs at a center near downtown. the kids were older up to 12 years old, so i was a bit nervous. i took the two library interns with me. they totally didn't think i could get the older kids to do some silly songs with me. the kids loved it! the second day they wanted to do more! so it went well and the director wants me to come back in the fall for afterschool programs. i had sunday storytime today. we did the zoo. it was fun and the paper bag puppets were really cute. the weekend was not too busy, which is always good.

i went to my best friend kate's and jenifer's (her older sister by exactly 4 years) bday party last tuesday night and then stayed with my parents. brian and i played wii. he taught me star wars, again with my hands doing 4 things at once. i basically just push all the buttons and shake my hands around, and i finally beat him after like 10 games. then working for dad and getting my hair cut and highlighted, it looks mahvelus. lunch with sam and brian, fixed my broken car lights and some more wii with mom and brian. i'm really gonna miss him when he goes on his 2 year mission for the church, probably starting in october.

i finished my web class last thursday. i was taking the exam at 1am when i spilled a glass of water on my keyboard. luckily the keyboard is fine, but i submitted the exam only half done, getting a 53. i retook it and got a 100, but i couldn't get the certificate of completion because you have to have a 70 and they only except the first submission. after several emails up the food chain, i finally got someone with power and they mailed the certificate right away. now i just have to use those skills and make real websites!

so last week/weekend was all about being a bridesmaid. thursday i did laundry, gave a pedicure, and made a scrapbook of baby pics for the bride. then friday afternoon down to orlando i went. stopped by cvs first to pic up a prescription and realized i had no wallet. luckily this happened or i would have ended up in orlando with no license, money, or my temple recommend (which i needed to be at the wedding). to the church i went and decorating commenced. the men did the white lights drapped from the ceiling and we girls put on tablesclothes, made up flower vases for the center of tables, put out favors, put lights up along the walls, and arranged things. then the wedding party practiced the thriller dance we would perform during the reception. crazy! then to brent's house for sonny's and the making of the bridesmaid bouquets. back to ishu and justin's for chatting and bed.

the next morning ishu did my hair (she straightened it and it looked spectacular) then off to the temple. i was running a bit behind and so i did about 70 through orlando. the speed limit was mostly 45. thank goodness i didn't get pulled over. i made it 10 minutes before it started. got in the wrong elevator, then couldn't get out of the right one. the door opens on both ends and i was facing the wrong way. i hate those elevators that open in the front and back. i never know what i'm doing. anyway the ceremony was beautiful. then we took pictures outside. it was a gorgeous day, but about 100 degrees. sweating everywhere, we took pics for 45 minutes. then off to the church to boss people around. as head bridesmaid i did a lot of bossing around, it was fun! we did a ring ceremony and the reception was fun. brent wrote carrie a song and performed it (he's a music major, so it was good stuff) and they drove off to animal kingdom (a surprise for her). i checked their mail and left a lasagna in the fridge for their return.

after the clean up, which went way fast, i raced back to ishu and justin's so they could take me out for my bday dinner. we went to opa, a greek resturant which was awesome. the food was great, the atmosphere was loud music, a belly dancer and general craziness. i was yanked from my chair twice to dance, once all around the room, holding the hands of hot men. i also was pulled onto a table and sang happy birthday too. what a day!! sunday to church with the 4 year olds they teach, those are some funny little kids. then a nap and home. on the way i got pulled over for doing 83 in a 70. i had another wedding guest catch a ride with me and we were talking and i hadn't set the cruise control and anyway, i got a warning! i was sooo happy. either he thought meghan was way cute (which she is) or he saw that i've never had a speeding ticket (i know, amazing isn't it?), so i'm really glad that a) i fixed my broken taillight and blinkers the wednesday before (thanks brothers) and b) i had stopped at cvs and had to go back for my wallet, lest i had no license or proof of insurance for the trooper. as soon as i got home i ran in my apt, grabbed my scrapbooking stuff and headed to suzi's, where i mostly talked and got very little scrapbooking done. it was a wonderful week, but so tiring and my feet have just recovered from all that running around and standing.

this week has been slower, but involved a lot of being lazy, my clothes are clean but still sitting in baskets, my dishes are washed, but still piled in the drainer, my room has been cleaned once, but is back to a disaster. i've been going through my stuff looking for correspondence with my great aunt louise. she died two years ago and the nursing home people got her to sign a new will that left the money to them and a church she never went to. so my aunt susan has been battling it in court and she needs proof that we had a relationship with her. i found cards and letters she's written. my dad has a box of cards and letters from us that he found in her apartment when they cleaned it out. however, he doesn't know where the will is that he took from her apartment. the one that says we get everything. that is one of my missions tomorrow when cleaning his shop. must find 2003 will. i don't think i'm gonna find it as my parents have both looked, but maybe a miracle will happen.

a friend is retiring from work and a scrapbook is in the works. i went to emily's last night to work on my pages, while she worked on her interview for a job at the downtown library. i hope she gets it, but i'll miss her so much if she goes. i did better on scrapbooking this time, it took four hours, but i got the 2 pages done. obviously a lot of talking and goofing off occurred. i'm working on getting my grandma here for my sister's graduation and christmas, so i had a nice long chat with her. and i just got off the phone with my last roommate who now lives in utah. it was good to catch up with her, especially since she just finished her first summer as a full time mom to her new husband's three girls. i also found out that she's trying to get prego. so many people doing that, one sister (soon to be two), kate, and now julie. i'm hoping that i get to see her when my brother goes to utah in october. i'm gonna try to hitch a ride with him and my parents.

okay this is a way long post and it is now 1:30 in the morning. luckily i'm just working for dad tomorrow and i'm not expected til afternoon. my bday's wednesday, the big 3-0. i only have to work tuesday and friday, so this week will probably be relaxing and fun. only 13 days til our georgia vacay!!!

what i'm really thinking

i have tons to write. i've been doing so many fun things, but what i really want to do is write about how weird i've been feeling. i have an ear infection and i'm hoping that is why i feel dizzy and like my head is full of cotton. either from the drugs or the infection itself. i'm not sure if its the fact that i haven't taken some of my everyday drugs regurlarly or at all. i've been either very angry or feeling weepy or sick to my stomach. i guess taking your precscriptions is important. i haven't exercised in a week or dieted in two and have gained 10lbs. that is definitely making me fell yucky in body and soul.

or maybe the fact that 30 is looming and that i'm going to be a bridesmaid this weekend. or the talk i had with my parents this week about having maxed out all my credit cards, having to borrow money from my little brother to make rent and put gas in my car and fix my stupid broken blinker and taillight and get my hair done for the wedding. and the chat with them about me being all alone. no date in years and all the things i've been doing wrong or not doing at all to attract a man. i have a wonderful life and am blessed with more than i could hope for, but there is this layer of wrongness that i try to bury and not dwell on. i cover it up with friends and food and reading and enjoying the freedom of being single. and while i do enjoy not dealing with the bad things about having a boyfriend or husband or children, the good things i'm missing out on are sorely apparent. and therefore i cover over those with the good things in my life and eat too much and spend money i don't have. i am my own worst enemy and am lacking greatly in the willpower department.

there are only a few things that i have set a goal to and acutally finished. i stopped biting my nails when i was 15, i lost 50 lbs after high school, i got my master's degree, and i'm working in a job i enjoy. that's it. and those are good things, but a very short list of goals attained, especially with 30 looming. i look around at my friends, mostly married with children and wonder about the goals they've reached that i haven't and the goals i've reached that they haven't, or the few that seem to have attained all their goals. do they think, oh how nice it must be for me to not have to worry about a husband and children when i get home for work. how nice to not consult them when making decisions. how lucky i am to have finished school and be in a career. or do they just see what's lacking in my life and feel sorry for me.

and the worst of it all is knowing i'm capable of doing all the things i want, or attaining all the goals i have set, but i'm not doing it. why? why do i sabotage myself? why do i purposely do things that will hurt me in the long run? am i afraid of getting what i want. or afraid if i do all that i can and still don't get what i want, then there is just something wrong with me that i can't fix. i've spent a lot of time this week driving and thinking about all the time i've wasted in my life. of all the really dumb, stupid, idiotic things i've done. but then i think i wouldn't be me if i hadn't lived the way i have. but then i think do i really like the me i've become. and in many ways no. and i'm angry, i am so angry with myself and yet i'm the one person i can't get away from. i think i'm severly lacking in faith. faith in myself, faith in the plan God has for me. how do i get that faith? how do i fix me?

AAAAHHHHHHH! (insert screaming and crying here)

i guess it comes down to not trying to fix me in one fell swoop. i have to work on each problem inch by inch. and i have got to make smaller goals. and i have to keep going, having faith that my life will be what i want it to be. i won't be rich, i won't be gorgeous, i might be single forever, but i will be healthy in body and mind. i will date. i will dig myself out of debt. i will be kinder and less selfish. i will be less angry. i will enjoy the good parts and not cover up the bad. i will be true to what i believe and i will have faith in myself.

now i just have to keep repeating this to myself and make it happen. so much easier said than done. to still from another blogger and friend - 'faith is action'. and i better get busy!

playing catch up, again.

yikes its been over two weeks. i was waiting to do this at home so i could add some pics, but at home i find other things to occupy my time. the fourth of july party at cat and bill's was a great success. we played a new game, cornholing (don't know about that spelling) its like bean bag toss. i crushed my roommate and then my brother and i were a team against my brother-in-law justin and sister cat. the first game brian and i devastated them, the second game was neck in neck tying with 100 pts. cat and justin won the tie breaker, but i want a thrid game to prove who is the bestest! swimming in their pool was lovely. we had races, everybody joining in. i was the big loser of that game. i can't swim in a straight line, so i'm blaming my losing to everyone, including my mom, on that defect (she can't swim a straight line either, so it must be her fault). the fireworks were awesome and no one lost any body parts, although my mom stayed on her feet to run if need be. they were pretty big to be exploding right over our heads.

olive's bday party in orlando was sooo much fun. the drive to and from orlando was mostly terrifying and slow. rain is bad on the interstate. lots o accidents and with all the construction in o town water just sits on the road and you go through puddles and just know you're gonna crash into one of those cement barriers and kill yourself. however, the party was a success. the kids loved the pool and cupcakes. the adults loved the food, the cuteness of olive, and pummeling ishu with water balloons (thanks to me!) i'm going down again at the end of the month for a craft fair that should be way fun. and we're gonna eat at our new place bocca de beppo (spelling again) this family style italian place that is awesome! oh and of course i like spending time with the martinez family :)

carrie's bridal shower is tomorrow! filmed the groom answering questions last night and it was hilarious!! i have a lot of cooking to do tonight though. plus the missionaries are coming over and my sister and dinner must be cooked. i'm making meatloaf. oh how i love it, its making my mouth water. i've been making lists today for all the things i still need to do for tomorrow. i will not be getting to sleep anytime soon. i have to finish her present, i finished the big part last night and i think sam can help with the rest while i cook. that would be oh so wonderful. i really hope all goes well tomorrow night. that people show and carrie has fun and the bachelorette part downtown works like a want. we'll see.

i am getting behind on my web class. i had to do two lessons fast this week before they disappeared. gotta catch up this weekend. i worked for dad last friday. i scrubbed the fridge, it looks really good. we also worked on my hand me down laptop, which im way excited about. hopefully we finish it when i go out this saturday. i'm taking emily's son aaron to a bday party saturday morning (hopefully he behaves, the little rascal) and then i'm going out to dad's and hopefully free movie, transformers, with sam and the roommate. work has been good this week. i don't have any programs for two weeks and finished the booklists i've been working on, so i'm being kinda lazy at work since i'm so busy in the personal life. i did go to the gym three times last week and three times this week. i lost 3 lbs. last week, so we'll see if that continues this week. i hope to get to the gym sat night, but usually cleaning dad's shop is a workout in itself.

i think that's everything. i'm sure it's not, but enough for now. hopefully some pics next time!

keeping busy

lots to do. dishes and laundry and taking out the trash and watering plants (thank you rain for coming!) and grocery shopping and decorating for the 4th and spending time with various friends and family (made it to the art museum) and doing my web page class and going to the beach and scrapbooking and handing out and mailing bridal shower invites and buying tickets for a play (peter pan!) and going to church and work and prepping programs (dinosaurs) and dealing with a hundred questions a day from staff and patrons and being annoyed with annoying people and trying to count calories (calorie count you rock!) and exercise and trying to find a day to see a movie (i get in free!) and realizing i'm throwing a bridal shower in 2 1/2 weeks and haven't planned a thing (oh crap!) and going to the bank and the pharmacy and unpacking my sister and making food for the 4th and working overtime (thank you extra money!) and cleaning my dad's shop and remembering to take my meds and posting and editing pics and keeping up with this blog. whew. i'm tired. but happy to be busy and productive and to have people that need me and people that want me. life is good and i have good people to share it with.

tears

today was hard. i finally cried. a lot. the sisters at church had a nice lunch for the family. then the viewing. my aunt didn't like people staring at her, even in death, so it was a closed casket. my mom helped her daughters dress her, that was the beginning of her crying. my mom has been pretty strong through this, but today she looked rough. her eyes and nose were red and swollen. she looked her 57 years. and yet she was beautiful. no black for her. she was in pink and green and looked like spring. i set next to her during the first part of the viewing when it was just mostly family and we watched the slideshow. my mom in the early pictures with her pointy glasses and blond pig tails. ruth was a beautiful woman. i cried through the pictures. her and bob and their teenage love that blossomed into a wonderful marriage with 5 children and 8 grandchildren. she really lived. lots of pictures of all the places she's been. hawaii and jamaica, the bahamas and all over the us. by her side her children and her beloved husband. always a smile on her face and a laugh in her eyes. as i cried i remembered how vibrant and loud and loving she was. i'm going to miss that.

the funeral was wonderful and long. the church was packed with the people who loved her. her youngest daughter and oldest granddaughter just 2 years apart, sung nearer my god to thee. that song always makes me cry. then robyn her daughter spoke. she's closest to me in age and 7 months pregnant. she cried through a lot of it and recounted among other things, the romance of her parents. then her son jason spoke. he recounted ruth's penchant for losing her keys and wallet and glasses. her nicknames for all her children and siblings. she was mama bear. his wife is pregnant with their first child. they just found out it was a boy. someone to carry on the family name. ruth was at the birth of all her grandchildren. he cried when he said how much she had been looking forward to being at the birth of his son. talk about tears flowing. then all her grandchildren sang the song love is spoken here. my mom spoke after that. her siblings said they couldn't do it. she's the rock, the big sister now, so she got the things they each wanted to say and weaved them into a lovely and funny tribute to their sister.

then one of her tuesday night painting sisters spoke. ruth and 3 girlfriends had gotten together every tuesday for 12 years to work on projects, share their trials and triumphs and girl talk. it was nice to hear a friend talk, to share another part of my aunt. during this talk, tiffany's daughter scared us by chocking on a spree. then she threw up on her mother. pregnant, sick, at her mother's funeral, her child scaring her and then puking on her and tiffany's bday is tomorrow. she looked pretty miserable. another speaker - a bit long winded and a operatic singing of the lord's prayer by dr kesling and then the bishop read what my uncle bob couldn't get up there and say. it was to everyone there about how much he appreciated their help these two months. and it was to his ruthie. many tears. to be loved like that. to share your life with your best friend. i want that someday.

needless to say by the end karen, cat and i had a mountain of tissues setting on the pew between us. the gravesite ceremony was short and hot. i stopped at my nana and great grandpa's graves and swept the freshly mown grass of them. poor tiff. after the drama with her daughter she fell when putting the rose on her mother's casket. luckily her dad caught her. we hugged my mom goodbye, she looked ready to collapse, and brian drove her home (he finally got his real driver's license!) the rest of us kids went to my place, just next door to the cemetery and got bbq and talked and laughed about things that didn't matter. when needed a break from all the heavy stuff. then to bed i went. my leg and back hurt from all the sitting and my head hurt from all the crying.

tomorrow the family wants to get together before they leave. we're going to fanning springs. that was always the place they went to cool off at when they were growing up. bob gives boat rides on the river and we lay in the shade and float in the springs. last time i went with them was 20 years ago. i'm looking forward to being with them all. to remember ruth. to get to know each other better. to enjoy each other while we're here. to have fun with the people i love.

ruth

so i went to see my aunt last night. i made chicken soup from scratch. and when you start with a frozen chicken at 9pm, you don't get finished until 1am, just so ya know. she's in a coma now and looks very peaceful. my three sisters and i went over. karen and i went in and held her hand and talked to her and put some yummy smelling mango lotion on her feet that she likes.

it was nice to talk to our cousins. they mostly live in georgia and this time some brought their husbands and all their kids. it was noisy and fun with lots of laughter. but there is a weariness in their faces, especially of the two that are pregnant. i cannot imagine the pain of losing my mother. someday i will and i know i'll have them to lean on. i love my aunt very much. she's lived 40 minutes or less away from me my whole life. i lived in her house, in the very room she's dying in, for a summer. then i was next door for a semester. i have only cried once about it, in the temple, soon after the doctor gave us the news. but there is a knot of tears in my chest that is building. im sure it will come out at the funeral. my best friends grandmother died about 10 years ago. she is the only person i've lost who has been close. i was fine until just before the funeral when the family gathered to hear the bishop pray. i lost it. i practically had to shove my fist in my mouth to quiet the sobs. im thinking it will be something like that again. but this time i'll be surrounded by more family, so maybe it will be better. plus my concern will be focused on my mom. i also cannot imagine losing a sister. mine are like appendages, myself not working right without them.

i guess i also just feel peace. i know she's lived a good life, had a wonderful husband, children, grandchildren and friends. she's touched alot of lives for the better. i feel blessed to know her. but oh how im going to miss that laugh. that loud, almost donkey-like, endearing, yet slightly embarrassing laugh. its making me tear up just thinking about it. that's how i'll remember her. loving her family, doing her crafts, and laughing. i know that she's going to be with those little grandbabies about to arrive and to see her mom and grandparents. and though we'll miss her, she where's she supposed to be.

i also have felt so much love from my friends. lots of texts and calls and facebook messages and facebook chat, to make sure im okay and what they can do to help. just the asking is wonderful. letting me talk. how truly glorious it is to have so many caring people in my life.

it felt good to type this. now to have some pleasant dreams. nite.

family is forever

so much has happened since i last blogged. so here it goes.... i didn't gain weight on vacation! i actually lost a pound. down 22.5. even though i didn't go to the gym, i made pretty good choices food wise and was pretty active with the wii and skate station.

update on my aunt. she has a glioblastoma multifomra or GBM brain tumor. she will start radiation/chemo in May. she's home from the hospital and has a nurse coming into help. the diagnosis isn't great. this is a very aggressive form of cancer and she will probably live 1-2 years. the family seems to be holding up pretty well, but is obviously very upset. her children and husband are having a hard time going on with regular life. jobs and school don't seem that important when you know you don't have a lot of time left with your mom. of course she wants everyone to just do what they normally do and doesn't want to be fussed over or be a burden to anyone. she's is much more optimistic than she was the day she found out, but i'm sure that will come and go. my my mom is doing okay. she sees my aunt every few days to remind herself she's here. her and her five siblings had a tripped planned to see their dad in pennsylvania in May and its my aunt's goal to be strong enough to go. when she comes back, she'll start treatment.on to happier notes. the first day of my 'vacation' my parents, brother and i went to my sister and brother-in-law's house and played games and watched movies. we got chinese takeout for dinner and made sundaes for dessert. it was so much fun! the next day all the same people, plus another sister went to a new bowling alley in town. we had a blast! we all made strikes at least once. i bowled pretty badly (i had beat everyone in wii bowling the day before, so this was kind of funny). then dad took all of us to ruby tuesday's for lunch. my parents went to visit my aunt and the rest of us went to skate station next to the bowling alley. we did go carts, batting cages, pool, air hockey and arcade games. it was a ton of fun! then my sis who works at the movie theater (free tickets!!) and i went to see confessions of a shopaholic. i never read the books, so i guess that was why i thought the movie was really cute. then we went to moe's for dinner and magic mike was there (he does shows at the library). he had us try a 3-D pyramid puzzle that totally stumped us.



the next day this sis and i went out to my parents house and my brother taught us how to use his archery set he got for christmas. then we played wii games and had a campfire in the front yard (my parents live on 20 acres of trees) to cook hotdogs and smores over. thursday my mom and i went to orlando to the temple. it was so peaceful and i had a good cry about my aunt. we went to the mormon bookstore and i got a cd and some scrapbooking stuff. then we saw my aunt and she was doing much better. friday it was back to work. not the vacation i had planned, but still lots of family fun.